Nothing Lost and Nothing Won
by lady of scarlet
Summary: Nothing can remain unchanged. JJ/Emily, femslash, non-explicit consensual adult situations, oneshot.


**Title:** Nothing Lost and Nothing Won

**Pairing: **JJ/Emily

**Rating:** FRM

**Warnings:** Non-explicit, consensual adult situations. Set in season 5, minor reference to Minimal Loss (4x03).

**Word Count:** 1125

**Disclaimer:** Criminal Minds and its characters belong to their copyright holders, not me. No infringement is intended and no profit is being made. For entertainment purposes only.

**A/N:** I recently realised I had not yet written femslash. That problem has now been resolved.

**Summary: **Nothing can remain unchanged.

***

It had never been like this before.

There were rules to be followed, roles to be played, lines in the sand that required vigilant maintenance.

Already the rules were crumbling and falling to the ground around her, and Emily was all too aware of the risks of falling with them.

_Just this once_ became _just once more_ until a system had established itself and demanded compliance. It was never spoken of, no plans were established in advance, and only the worst of cases warranted such abandon.

She had struggled, at first, to put a name to what they had, but a clear definition only threatened to make it more real than she could afford.

Emily accepted that whatever this was had no neat explanation, no meaningful words, only beautiful lies and twisted complication. It was better that way, really. JJ would go home to her baby boy and his father. Emily would return to a hot bath and a glass of red wine.

They could stop, if they wanted to. She could walk away without leaving any broken pieces behind, since there was nothing here to break. Nothing would be jeopardized by this exchange.

Nothing lost and nothing won.

But tonight was somehow different from all the others, and the change left a lingering sense of unease pulling at the edges of her preoccupied mind.

Laughing wasn't something they did here, yet it tumbled out of them now, unrestrained and amplified by the exhilaration of alcohol and success. There was no anger or desperation to compel them, no lingering failure or loss to repress. No excuses.

Lives had been saved today, a case had been closed, and the triumph of that was far more intoxicating than the few drinks they'd shared with the team.

The elated laughter wrapped around her, drifting across her skin like smoke, leaving Emily high and breathless as it echoed gently through the small room.

JJ's eyes were bright in the near-darkness, pupils engulfing the blue of her irises. Her arm slid past Emily's waist, reaching behind them to turn the lock on the hotel door while simultaneously pressing Emily into it.

The world wavered for a moment as she tried to catch her breath and calm the strange giddiness that had overtaken her tonight, but JJ's hand had moved to her hip, resting just above her holstered gun, and this had proven highly distracting.

JJ's thumb traced light patterns on the skin beneath the hem of her shirt, travelling leisurely up her side. Emily wondered absently if this is what it felt like to be on the precipice of something unknown, something uncontainable.

JJ leaned closer, her gaze falling to Emily's mouth, her smile soft and disarming. Their lips met, lingered, and the sand-drawn lines blurred just a little bit more.

She tasted like apple martinis. Emily grinned, delighted, running her tongue across JJ's bottom lip, one hand resting on the back of her neck.

JJ laughed into her mouth, sending shivers of vibration through them both, before laying a teasing kiss to the corner of Emily's lips, her cheek, her jaw.

The room was warm, but the tips of Emily's fingers were numb from the cold of mid-winter and the short, gloveless walk back to their hotel. Emily tilted her head back as JJ trailed gradually down her neck, and she warmed her fingertips against the smooth skin of JJ's abdomen, pushing up the red cashmere sweater that had yet to be removed.

Her own shirt had been unbuttoned without her notice, but she wasn't about to fall behind. Emily pushed away slightly, freeing JJ of the fabric. She wordlessly complied, lifting her arms helpfully before returning undeterred to drop playful nips and licks along Emily's shoulder.

The sweater fell softly to the carpeted floor.

The play of shadows and streetlights on JJ's bare skin was captivating and Emily wondered if her own skin was as flushed with excitement and desire as her hands drifted up the curve of JJ's waist to trace the slope of her back.

A stray piece of broken mirror had left a thin scar along Emily's collarbone after her encounter with Cyrus, and JJ's tongue ran lightly across it, provoking a shiver. Her fingers tangled in JJ's blonde hair and Emily sucked in a quick breath.

She was still smiling, though her laughter had been tempered by arousal, and the realisation caught her off guard.

The soft strains of light from the window lent an eerie quality to their surroundings, but, despite the darkness, the heavy weight of horrific cases and human despair was absent tonight.

The need for solace and comfort had been inexplicably replaced with something new and light and equally consuming.

It shook her expectations and her meticulously compartmentalised understanding of this place they sometimes found themselves in. The awareness left her feeling exposed, vulnerable in a way she hadn't anticipated. She wasn't sure that she could stand here now and not be changed.

JJ glanced up at her, locking Emily's gaze before reclaiming her parted lips, and Emily knew she was lost.

Her heart raced and her hips rocked gently forward, a quiet moan escaping her.

There was something consuming about the darkness tonight, the chill in the air, the hum of passing cars. Her senses ached from stimulation and still demanded more. JJ's hand grazed lightly across the curve of her breast and she arched into the touch.

Emily burned, the cold completely forgotten as fire danced across her skin, ignited by every point of contact.

She couldn't breathe, and her head fell back, loudly impacting the solid wood door. She was stunned for a moment before laughter bubbled up in her throat and spilled richly into the silence. She ducked her head to contain herself, but it spread instantly and JJ's laugh was muffled against Emily's shoulder. She pulled away and smoothed Emily's hair back, pressing her forehead to Emily's and brushing a thumb across the line of her jaw tenderly.

Emily liked her like this.

Joyful.

Unrestrained.

As though the weight of the world bearing down on them was the farthest thing from her mind, and she'd never seen loss or emptiness. Maybe she had been this person once. Emily wanted to capture this place of blissful abandon, capture the sensation of laughter rolling over her like waves.

JJ grabbed her wrist and pulled her away from the door, farther into the darkness of the room.

Emily wanted to stay here, with JJ's hands sliding across her skin and her lips warm against her own, and just forget.

A tendril of guilt wrapped itself around her mind for bringing _want_ into a place belonging solely to _need_.

But there were no rules here tonight.

Here, there were only possibilities.

***


End file.
